holy shmuck. i haven't had some form of coffee in like, two weeks!
no wonder i'm so outta it.

why is it that there is sooo much on my mind. so much i wanna scream. so much i need to do.
but i can't. i can't get any of my words right. i can't get anything done. i feel so stupid and outta it. and, and i feel like a major loser. i just heard from a long time ago girlfriend, and she's like had total spiritual revival. like total turn around. and, ya know, don't take this the wrong way, but it makes me feel bad. like i'm such a complete loser.
i can't explain it, girls. i really can't! another reason i feel so dumb!
*sighs*
i dunno what's wrong with me! i can't think. can't sleep. can't get up. i have dreams that are filled with wars and hate and then sometimes love and being with friends. i can't even really type what i want to here, and tell you everything. i wanna cry, i wanna cry and cry and cry.
i don't know why i'm posting this, you just gotta understand that i can't make sense outta my life or anything right now and i need, i need to tell someone. i want so badly to be held and told that everything will be ok. even though i know it won't.

somebody save me, i don't care how you do it, somebody save me...

-jac

OP and company has gone big! ladies and gents, our next stunt....a movie. yuppers. all those interested let us know. cus someday my sister and i wanna make a movie. hee hee! just a thought. lates!